Tag Archive | big family

Don’t Judge Me!

While I was walking down the street, I happened to overhear two neighbors talking to each other about me. One was pointing towards my house and I heard, “The girl has three kids for God’s sakes! I mean, you have to think about these kinds of things!” The other one just nodded her head and agreed.

This conversation, of course, just, as my old teacher would have said…’burned my cheese’.

These ladies barely ever say two words to me and do not know me from a can of paint! I was just so annoyed at how people try to taint a good thing.

Don’t get me wrong, I get it. I’m young, I don’t drive, I don’t work outside the home,  and…I have THREE kids (which, is like a “full house” nowadays). Granted, my husband and I did not plan Baby J and had we thought about it beforehand, we would most likely have decided against it. But, in the end, we chose to keep him and accept the responsibility that comes with it. So to make that comment as if it is a precursor of what is to come in the future is so…stupid.

Everyone has SOMETHING that others can consider a downfall or deterrent but no one can decide what that will entail for YOU but YOU. This will not be the last time someone will judge me but it surely won’t be enough to hold me back and make me fight for my dreams.

The Family Emergency Room

Hey blog family! I have had so much that I wanted to tell you but finding the time to actually get it out there is the problem.

When I first started this blog, Living in a Jungle, I was planning to give you a chronicle of my “crazy”life with my two boys. I had no idea that a year later, I would be adding another baby to the mix and would learn what a “crazy” lifestyle is really like! I am still planning to share my birth story with you guys but that will take a little time.

As for now, I wanted to allow you to come along with me in my journey from a family of four to five. When I was pregnant with Baby J, I researched blogs of mothers with three or more children to get a perspective of what this change would be like but, in my opinion, not many gave the nitty-gritty on that new adjustment. One website that helped me to understand this change the most was www.HavingThreeKids.com.

From some of the ones that I read, many said that going from two to three kids is the hardest adjustment…and from what I am going through now, I would seriously agree! Of course, it depends on the ages of the children but…I digress.

How I would explain this change is that it is somewhat like a family emergency room.There is usually a sense of urgency going on everywhere at all times:

Dukey: Mom, LJ (Poopy) won’t share this toy with me!

LJ: Aaaaaah, give it back!

Baby J: Waaah, waaah, waah!

This is all while changing a diaper so you’re rushing to get through it. Two seconds later, a fight breaks out and there’s screaming and weapons being thrown all over the room. At this time, you realize you have three choices: 1) holler loud enough to get their attention and make them stop or 2) try to maneuver yourself and the naked baby (hoping that he doesn’t pee on you) over to the fighting siblings and break it up, or 3) do nothing, let them scream and fight (hoping no one pokes an eye out) until they stop. I usually pick the third option, which often ends in the older two making up on their own and becoming best friends again.

However, just like in an emergency room, there are periods of tranquility when no one’s hurt and you’re just waiting for the ball to drop. Your kids are playing together quietly and happily and you’re able to sit back and watch them. When those moments come around, it makes those “crazy” moments of urgency seem insignificant (sometimes anyway, I will admit it does linger some days).

Even with all of that, despite the fact that I am always changing diapers, making meals, giving baths, wiping noses, helping with homework, or breaking up fights, I have never felt more complete and more needed.

Adding another child is a big decision that takes contemplating, but for me, I can say that it was a wise decision and a great blessing that I do not regret.

Is a family of five the perfect fit for us?

Out of all my pregnancies, honestly, this one was the biggest surprise. The last thing I was thinking about was having another child at that time. I was working vigorously as an insurance/investment adviser and I didn’t notice much for about four months.

Because my family doesn’t believe in birth control, we have relied on natural methods in the past, more specifically, the “withdrawal” method. It worked just fine for five years until I got pregnant with my second son and again now when I got pregnant with my third.

With this third pregnancy, I’ve had many people, including doctors, ask me about our birth control plans for the future. Most people have thought it would be smart for me to have my tubes tied because they believe our family is complete with three children.

 

Being that I am an advocate of natural methods (no medicines, no chemicals, no preservatives in food, etc.), I try to avoid anything that will mess with the natural flow of my body. So most birth control methods are out of the question for me due to the added hormones. Not to mention, every time I turn on the TV, there’s a commercial about some medical defect or risks that occurred (or can occur) from someone using some new birth control. 

In the past, I was leaning towards Mirena since it was a one-time procedure and could last until at least the next five years if I wanted it to. But then, the commercials came and friends who took it told me horror stories of others that had taken it and had to get surgery because the device got lost in their stomachs. (Of  course docs say it is rare and doesn’t happen to many people but, uh)

…ENOUGH SAID for me. 

I am strongly opposed to getting surgery for reasons that are not serious and, to me, preventing the birth of another child is just not that important to risk my health for. 

With that said, I have been debating on whether to use Paragard or other natural methods altogether such as the Rhythm/Calendar method or Fertility Awareness. With the first one, it is still a one-time procedure and can last for up to 10 years with no added hormones. The other natural methods do require more regular monitoring so I’m a little nervous about those. 

I, honestly, still haven’t made a decision as to what I will do but I know whatever I decide, it will be the right one for our family. The “perfect sized family” can have many definitions for different families. Some may want one, some none, most two, and a rare few many. No one should be the judge of what size family is a good fit for you. That decision should be left to you and your spouse, only.

I will say that a part of that decision should involve whether you would be able to handle the responsibility of another addition to your family but again, that decision should be left to you and your spouse, ONLY.

Let me hear your thoughts? Should one give in to the pressures of what others think you should do for your family or should you stand firm for what your family wants?